If you're familiar with my work, you know that I'm a dramatic and delusional romantic. A self-proclaimed lover girl. A hot mess in the love department.
And the real honest truth is that I don't want to be in healthy, loving relationship right now.
No, I don't want to be in a toxic relationship either. I've had my fair share of that (see poems below). What I really want is to relearn who I am.
I say this all the time but I’m not the same person I was a month ago, let alone a year ago. So it's time for me to really focus on dating myself.
Too often, I hold onto old energies and habits and hobbies because some part of me enjoyed them. But not everything is supposed to be permanently in your life.
This piece is about realizing all that and deciding to do the work to heal my inner child because she needed protection and to know that she wasn't alone and most importantly, promising to commit to having a better relationship with self simply because I deserve it. And I hope this inspires you to do the same if you haven't already.
THE PIECE
If it's not soft and romantic Please keep it for yourself I've always been so easy to please Because I never asked for much Just a laugh and some pretty words Maybe a gentle touch when you remember it But now I'm asking for the world Because following the breadcrumbs Only brought tears and frustration That I couldn't properly express Out of fear that you'd reject me So I’d always lie and say I’m easy to impress No longer willing to watch someone trample over my heart After I gently removed it from my sleeve and asked them to hold it for me It’s time for me to date myself. Refusing to live a life without love Going numb and closing myself off to care and affection Is to live a cold, lonely life that would leave me hollow inside When I could recognize and respect myself Go past surface level and return to self Relinquish fears and take the time to explore the depths of my mind Learn a thing or two, while I do a deep dive Visit every memory so I can understand what changed my brain chemistry. Tell little me that I'll always be by her side And take her pain and make it mine Bear the weight of her precious heart And take the world from her shoulders Before it tears her apart Because she’s not ready for that I’m more equipped to handle that task. And then finally maybe I’ll see me the way others do In confidence because I finally learned that I’m worthy of love too Making a promise of commitment to myself, my forever I do.
JOURNAL ENTRY
This was a hard piece to write. I started combining various lines written about various people and struggled with making it make sense. I noticed a strong theme of always wanting to understand the other person and their past experiences, seeing how life made them the way they are. And as I attempted this piece, I realized that it came from a place of never feeling understood. Just like that, the original idea was scrapped because I knew that the real message needed to be about me and my personal love and growth journey.
It helps that I recently started The Artist’s Way because it emphasizes this concept of artist dates. Essentially, I have to hang out with myself and please my inner child, my inner artist. I truly believe this year will be transformative for how I treat myself and my goals and approach life. And I believe this poem reflects that. It tells the story of understanding that how I was operating was not beneficial and how I had to go within to heal.
THE PROMPTS
Poetry Prompt: Imagine diving into your own mind like an ocean. What memories, fears, or treasures do you discover as you explore its depths?
Poetry Prompt: Explore the metaphor of gently handing someone your heart and watching how they treat it. What does this reveal about love and trust?
Writing Prompt: Write a story about someone who takes their heart back from the world and learns to care for it on their own terms.
Writing Prompt: Write a vow to yourself, celebrating self-love and commitment to your growth.
Journal Prompt: How do you define self-love, and what does it look like in your daily life?
Journal Prompt: Write about the ways you can "return to self" — reconnecting with your authentic self and your needs.
RECOMMENDED MEDIA
Songs → Self-love by Metro Boomin, Coi Leray + I Love Myself by KayCyy + Healing (Acoustic) by Arlissa
Books → Consensuality by Helen Wildfell + The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm
As always, take what resonates and leave what doesn’t!
With love, always
Natasha K
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