Recently, I made a decision that was not in my best interest but here I am writing about it, so it couldn’t have been that bad. I reached out to someone who had been on my mind despite being no-contact. I contemplated about sending the multiple voice messages for about 30 minutes before I said the three worst words to ever hit my vocabulary.
“For the Content”
I honestly didn’t know what to expect from the conversation or if we would actually have a conversation at all. In my voice messages, I said that I didn’t know what I was hoping to accomplish, maybe a false sense of closure because I lowkey believe that closure conversations are a scam. I then proceeded to apologize for my part in the downfall of our relationship but also friendship.
This is lowkey a part two to “problem to my cause” because it’s on the same topic and I just never seem to learn my lesson I guess.
THE POEM
I never touched hot stoves as a kid, Wasn’t too interested in anything that screamed danger But I did open cabinets, Doors my mother warned about keeping closed I never cared about her cautionary tales Always wanting to scout the house my way I’d run off, ready to explore areas that looked to be the size of me And never close them all way, in case I wanted to return the next day Eventually, she took action, realizing her words weren’t enough And hid one of those bobbleheads in a cabinet I liked to play in to catch me off guard She knew those things frightened me And that it would get me to stop. I screamed my little head off and ran away, Not returning to my magical cabinets for years. And now as an adult, I still don't touch hot stoves But I keep trying to unlock doors Doors that should remain forever closed Forgetting they were shut for reason, be it my doing or another’s And once opened an avalanche begins Repeating patterns because I’m not learning my lesson Expecting a different result in my fantasy land Similar to when I was kid, I refuse to listen Searching for clarity yet prolonging an ending.
July 2024
I refrained from being completely honest about what I wanted because it just led down the same path we’d already traveled twice before. Instead, I chose to focus on being a reassuring voice and conveying my regret while standing by my decision not to rekindle anything. And sure it hurts now, but less than before the conversation. I feel a little lighter and he no longer plagues my mind, so a win is a win, I guess.
Oh and if you’re reading this, I’m truly sorry for how everything happened. Always wishing you the best!
THE PROMPTS
With all of this lovely reflection, I will leave you with some prompts to get your creative juices flowing:
Childhood Curiosity: Reflect on a childhood experience where you ignored a warning or caution. How did it shape your behavior or mindset as you grew older? How does this memory influence your current actions or decisions?
Patterns and Lessons: Identify a pattern in your life that you find yourself repeating. What lessons do you think you need to learn from this pattern? How can you work towards breaking it?
Unlocked Doors: Create a narrative about an adult who has a habit of unlocking metaphorical doors from their past. Each door reveals a different aspect of their history, leading to a journey of self-discovery and understanding.
The Doors We Open: Craft a poem about the metaphorical doors we choose to open or close in our lives. What lies behind these doors, and what consequences do we face when we open them?
RECOMMENDED MEDIA
Some media that inspired this episode:
STFU - Jessie Reyez (Don't do it 'cause I need to, I do it for the thrill}
As always, take what resonates and leave what doesn’t!
With love, always
Natasha K
good for the content, bad for the brand