Lies and Gaslighting

This piece is a compilation of all the abandoned notes in my phone, text messages I’m not bold enough to send, a poems that I was too prideful to finish.

I don’t know how to talk about this piece because it comes from so many different eras of my life but clearly the same lesson that I kept avoiding. Even now, I’m not convinced that it really seeped into my brain but I managed to actually walk away from the situation, thought I won’t lie to y’all and say I’m not tempted to bring it back.

Regardless, I’m proud of the quick turnaround of the piece because I was STRESSED! I picked the original poem around 2am and didn’t get time to work on it again until 3pm (for reference, this was posted at 4:15). I almost said no more episodes for the year so I could start planning all the cool and amazing content I have in my brain for 2025. But y’all deserve a proper year’s end so we’ll chat again at the end of the month for some fun announcements and well-overdue reflection!

THE PIECE

I miss you, morning and night
Like clockwork you're always first thing on my mind.
I miss you and I know it's deeply rooted in familiarity
But also because we were supposed to start a family
Scratch that, we will
Because delusion is no longer for a thrill
It's the only thing keeping me together
And thank God I don't have your address no more
Because I'd just send you love letters
And poems like this
In envelopes sealed with a kiss
Scrolling through my camera roll,
I can’t help but reminisce.
This isn’t healthy
But what do you do when you lose a safe space?
Formed from intimate nights and days tangled in arms
They would give women lobotomies for the way I’m acting over you
Ignoring all the times I cried over us
Pushing out bad memories for the ones I’m fond of
Who knew you would have this affect on me?
Saying all those beautiful lines that clouded my brain
Giving me all your attention until you took it away
It’s a game of cat and mouse I previously couldn’t escape.
Because I fell for your words, the poeticism, the poetry
Even though you always said that actions speak louder than words
But I could never read yours,
Unsure of whether I should fall back or apply pressure.
I hoped that you had grown and matured
And would prove my intuition wrong
I bet against myself and picked you
I guess in the end I won
‘Cause miss me more than the person you’ve become
So thank you for making me feel stupid
It motivated me to block you
‘Cause I was tired of being disappointed
And thank you for never being there
It showed me I’m all ever I need
And how to be my own safe space.

JOURNAL ENTRY

I think the sickest thing is knowing that most of this was written about one person. And given the chance, I probably would do over everything because I never learn my lesson due to the romanticization explained in the piece.

And after recording the poem, I sighed. I had to take a break and collect my thoughts. I don’t know why but that hit me a little harder than I expected it to. My chest is tight as I write this journal entry. Maybe I have things to confront and heal but I’m not sure if I’m ready for that.

THE PROMPTS

• Journal Prompt: Write a letter to someone you’ve lost touch with, exploring both the beauty and the pain of your shared memories. What would you say if they were reading it right now?

• Journal Prompt: Reflect on what it means to lose a safe space and how you’ve learned to create one within yourself.

• Journal Prompt: Imagine you could send one final letter to someone who deeply impacted your life. What would you include—gratitude, anger, closure?

• Poetry Prompt: Write a poem that feels like a love letter, one you’d never send. Include details of both love and heartbreak.

• Poetry Prompt: Explore the extremes of love and longing in a poem that examines the sacrifices or irrationality that come with passion.

As always, take what resonates and leave what doesn’t!

With love, always

Natasha K